Trade-in

I was just looking at that very cute little MG convertable over there... yes, the red one. It's how much? Well, I do have a trade in. Yeah, that teal mini-van. Yes, the one with the faded paint and multiple scratches. Careful with the luggage rack, we lost one of the screws. (An incident involving plywood and bungee cords. You do not want to know.) The year? Oh, it's a '98... no, a '97... I forget. Sorry.

What's wrong with it? Nothing, really. It just keeps going and going. I get the oil changed religiously and take very good care of it. Well, yes, I do have children. No, those are just finger marks, maybe some lip marks, too-- but they wipe right off. And the stickers... any old window scraper will take care of them. That dent is from a rock, it only chipped a little, and the rust is minimal. The dent in the back? Well the trailer came unhitched once, and slammed into the back of the car when we slowed down. Yeah, that's where the gash in the bumper came from. That little groove along the side is from a bike that didn't have any rubber grips left on the handlebars.

This side door sometimes gets stuck. The interior panel is loose since that time my son threw up all over the door. We had to take the whole door apart to clean it out. Never did go back together right. Oh, and the child lock is stuck on. I don't know what happened there. Maybe your mechanics can figure it out. The upholstery is still in good condition. The middle seats come out easily and there are lots of cup holders--except that one. Yeah, it broke off. Paint? No that's... oh, yes. I remember, now. That's the blue nail polish my daughter spilled about seven years ago. You might be able to get it up. I couldn't. And that spot? Um... that was there when I bought the car. I have no idea. Of course I didn't buy it new. Do I look like the type of person who could afford a new car?

Sure, start it right up. --I'm no mechanic, but if you just let the car warm up a bit, it stops doing that. That squealing is only a loose belt, it always does that. A little spray lubricant will stop it. Check engine light? Oh, it's nothing. The sensors are just getting the wrong readings because of the holes in the gas tank. Didn't I? Sorry, it slipped my mind. But they're at the top of the tank. That's not nearly so bad as if they were at the bottom. If you just wait for the gas light to come on, you can refuel with 17.5 gallons (any more than that and it spills out, so be sure to watch the meter).

The windshield wipers are a little old, I guess. Minor maintenance. The wiper fluid sprayer doesn't work on the driver's side... probably just clogged, or disconnected. No big deal. Yes, the cruise control does work. Oh, the visor? Yes, the driver's side visor broke off last year. It shouldn't be hard to get a hold of a replacement. Yeah, the side mirror is cracked, but it won't fall off. It's been like that for nine years. That doohickey is a security device installed by the last dealer. If that little key piece comes out, the car won't start. Yeah, it's happened to me, called a tow truck and everything. THAT was embarrassing.

That's the wiring for a six-disk CD changer we had installed when we bought the car, but it stopped working years ago. It's at home somewhere. You don't want it? Oh. But the radio works. Most of the speakers are good-- enough.

Ah, the rear windows won't open... I think the motors wore out, and the rear blower only works on occasions (but it's not the motor--there's a short in the wiring somewhere between the front control panel and the rear one). Oh, and the driver's side window needs some work as well. Yeah, that's why the panel was removed. We're just waiting for the right time to get that fixed. No, it won't close... I park in the garage. Well, halfway in the garage, on account of the all the junk in my garage. I had to shove it all back to make room. No, it's a really big two-car garage.

That hole in the rear window is where the little window thingy went. You know, that thing that holds open the rear window when you lift it up? Yeah, that. Well, I think my son was swinging from it and it just popped right out. No, I don't have it any more. Sure, there's a spare tire. I only used it once... drove it thirty-five, forty miles... maybe less? It should still be good for a while, don't you think? Oh, and before I forget, that back door doesn't always close up tight. You have to shut it just right, or the door light will come on-- makes me crazy, flicking off and on while I'm driving down the road.

What else? No, there's nothing. Like I said, it's a good car. Oh, the door won't open? Hit the unlock. Try again. There! No, once more. OK, get out, quick! Well, I didn't want to mention that. The locks are possessed. So it's good that the window won't shut. At least the lock ghost can't catch you without your keys (that's happened to me). Why once, I was just finishing loading in the groceries and shut the door, and that darned ghost locked the car up with my keys and groceries and baby all trapped on the inside. What a mess that was! I had to leave my baby out in the parking lot on his own while I fetched security, and they called the fire department (who only came because there was a child involved) and they took their sweet time getting there, too.

No, I'm only looking for a prettier car. You won't take it? Really? Why not?