Emergency Preparedness

I am beginning to think my computer has a vendetta against me editing. A few hours in, and it freezes up, leaving me shallow of breath and brain, hands waving frantically above the keyboard and wondering when last I saved, whether that save 'took' and how much work I'll have to re-do because sometimes it doesn't save even when it says it does and I exit the program thinking it will be ok, say a little prayer, go to bed, and wake up to find that everything I did the day before has ceased to exist!

AAAAAaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

All I can say is, "Not again!"

So, any way, I'm frozen out now (again) and I just can't fathom removing my posterior from this not-so-comfortable office chair in order to find any actual, physical work to occupy me elsewhere because I'm in 'obsessive computer freak mode' and have to KEEP WORKING.

Soo, I thought I'd pop over here and play with my blog. Today's subject, as stated above, is emergency preparedness, though I won't bother with the big-time stuff like first aid or food and water storage, those topics can be researched on serious sites (i.e. - not here).

What To Do When:

...my toddler says, "I got the ew on the end of my finger." ?
-do not panic. Whatever he/she has will require a tissue and hand soap. Take toddler by the hand to prevent the eating/wiping of unknown substance until a sink or tissue can be located. Further investigation may lead to more cleaning, depending on what unknown substance turns out to be.

... I brake at the stoplight and my toddler's seat flips forward?
-do not panic. Little Houdini has been practicing escape techniques. Put on your emergency flashers (they are good for something) and put your car in park. >do not forget this step. Re-fasten your child's seat and gently scold/soothe, but do not let him/her out of the seat or this may become an incentive to repeat the stunt.

... my teenager tells me that her best friend is have an 'all-weekend-party'?
-Answer very calmly, "Good for her." Further discussion will reveal said teenager's desire to attend, but if you can remain calm, a reasonable 'no' can be achieved.

... my pubescent boy won't take a shower?
-Well, that's a toughie. If it's warm enough outside, consider moving him into a tent. Other options include, but are not limited to, pretending that you will wash the car together and spraying him down while his back is turned; taking him to a lake and pushing him in; convincing him to get baptized (religion is always a good idea); bribery; and maybe even ignoring the situation until someone he esteems higher than you makes mention of that 'odiferousness'. (This last suggestion should be a last resort for health code reasons.)

... I'm having a crisis and I've run out of chocolate?
-PANIC. Get to the store ASAP and buy the best brand of chocolate you can find. Eat at the register, if necessary. If you are unsure as to which brand is best, buy several and try them all.

Seriously, there are certain things you should keep stocked at all times in your house. You know what they are. If you run out of these items, life as you know it will cease to be. Chocolate tops the list. Tampons, peanut butter, and diapers are on there too. (They are in my house.)

...I've finally written a kick-butt query and an agent requests sample pages, but then turns down my glorious work with the standard 'Not for me' rejection?
-Do not panic. Eat chocolate and look over your ms. The power of chocolate will help you see whether work needs doing. After you are enlightened, start revising. Unless your computer hates you--like mine--you will be back on the road to success in no time.


My final bits of advice for the day: Back up all your files, and employ the hottest computer geek you can find. Pay with chocolate XXX :P